For Godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.

2 Corinthians 7:10

Sweet friend, this one’s going to get personal. Probably for you too. Grab some tissues. We’re both going to need them.

Growing up, my perception of God was as a mighty destroyer, as a divine judge to fear because He could and would (based on the majority of scripture I’d heard) smite me where I stood. I imagine you may have grown up with the same understanding or know someone who did; you may know someone who still only knows this one side of God.

Not unlike other young people, when I hit my late teens and early 20s, I made a series of unwise and unbiblical decisions and my life took a turn I hadn’t planned. Because I did not understand God’s redeeming love – only His awesome wrath, I was afraid of God’s condemnation and I ran. I ran from God. I ran from the Bible. I ran from church. I ran and/or hid for a good 16 years of my life.

I managed to play it cool sometimes, go to Sunday service and sing and smile and take sermon notes, acting like I didn’t need anything from the message, like my life was free from guilt or shame.

But inside, inside all that guilt and shame was still churning around, flaring up from time to time, telling me that I wasn’t good enough, that God wouldn’t want me back until I’d done more, become more, made up for my poor choices somehow.

All of those thoughts pushed me further away from God and even put me on edge in the presence of men or women of God to the point that I often avoided the very mentors and prayer warriors who could have helped me turn things around. I realize now, that in my spiritual immaturity, my incomplete understanding of God, I was unable to separate conviction (that guilty feeling Holy Spirit uses to let you know something is wrong) from condemnation (the shameful feeling Satan uses to make you believe that you are bad).

Dear heart, maybe you have a good grasp of the difference, but let’s review them anyway.

Let’s circle back to that personal story again. In 2016, God arranged a series of professional opportunities that brought me back to my hometown and back into church. And sweet friend, once there, Holy Spirit laid it on me. Every sermon was about God’s love and His desire for us to draw closer to Him. Every song seemed to focus on His unconditional love and unfathomable depths of forgiveness.

One by one, week by week, I found myself at the altar laying down another piece of baggage, my regrets, my fears, my shame. Month by month, I felt myself grow stronger in Spirit.

Beloved, the Voice of Truth is not a voice of condemnation, but a voice of hope. A voice that says, “Let me help you. You are meant to have more joy, more peace, more strength than this. Let me make you whole.”

The voice of condemnation, the one that says you’ll never be better, God doesn’t want you, no one likes you…we all know that voice don’t we? It’s the one that makes us toss and turn long after the lights have gone out, nags us awake at two in the morning, hits us on long desolate stretches of highway, picks at us when we’re tired or sick or overwhelmed. Precious friend, that’s the enemy talking, seeking to drive us away from God, away from the growth and peace and joy that God has in store for us.

Oh dear heart, that sorrow and shame that makes it difficult to get up and function some days (or most days – hey, I’ve been there)… That’s the enemy too. I’d love to tell you that over the past six years I’ve learned how to kick that slithering so-and-so permanently to the curb and give you a quick three step plan for doing so, but, to be perfectly honest, he still slips up on me from time to time.

So, what do I about it? How do I keep from going on the run again?

I return to Romans 8:1-2…

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.

and I am reminded that because of the LAMB, I don’t have to go on the lam ever again. Because of the Lamb, Followers of Christ are covered in grace and forgiveness and do not face condemnation from God and furthermore, we do not have to listen to condemnation from the enemy or from man.

God pulls on our hearts, tugs those strings and uses conviction to remind us to do better, to be who He created us to be. He teaches us with love so we will grow.

Like a good, good Father, He uses conviction to caution us about things that will make us spiritually, mentally, or physically sick or cause us or others to be hurt. To keep us safe, He draws us to Him and away from danger.

God’s conviction leads us to repentance, to awareness of a problem and the need to turn ourselves around, to make a request to God to help us fix whatever is wrong.

Precious one, if you’ve been feeling down with no hope, that’s the enemy. The enemy has no hope and so can’t give us any. The sorrow brought by the enemy brings death. BUT the nudge of God, even the waterfall of tears that comes with recognizing sin and feeling sorry for it, those come with hope.

• Hope from the God who lives and gives life.
• Hope in the promises which fill the scriptures.
• Hope for a better way, a better attitude, a more righteous path.

Don’t let the enemy’s condemnation block your ability to hear God. Don’t let the enemy shame you into running or trying to hide. Tell God your hurts, your fears, your guilt and your shame. Give them to Him and inquire how to be free of them forever. Run to the only One who loves us unconditionally, eternally, the One who is waiting to forgive all our sins, past and present, and even those we might make in the future. The One who wants to make us whole. The only One who can make us righteous. Run to Him and don’t let go! I’m clinging to Him every day, all day. If you need help, if you need a friend, a companion, an accountability partner, I’m here. Let’s cling to Him, to His promises, to His overwhelming joy and hope together!