The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
 they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
    “therefore I will hope in him.”

Lamentations 3:22-24 ESV

I’ve always thought it was a little strange that one of the verses I find most encouraging in the Bible comes from a book titled Lamentations – a word that means “passionate expression of grief or sorrow”, a book telling of some of the hardest times that God’s people have fallen upon.

And yet, right there, tucked away in Chapter 3 is an assurance that I have seen God fulfill time and time again in my life, especially of late. Not that I think He’s been more faithful of late – He’s always been perfectly, wonderfully faithful – it’s just that I’ve been more observant in the past year or two. In this season, I have been aware in the moment of His steadfast love, of His daily mercies, instead of needing hindsight to show it to me.

By way of testimony, you know I haven’t been writing much because I’ve been working to open an early learning center as a new ministry for our church. And sometimes it’s easy to think that God’s invitation to this work is for the sole purpose of serving Him and our community, but I’m learning more and more each day that God rarely (if ever) invites us to do anything without also fully planning to work on us as we engage in the work with Him and with His people.

If you’ve been with me since I started this page in 2022, you also know that my professional background is public education, with the more recent years spent in state-level coordination. And I want to pause right here and state clearly that the details that follow are not meant in any way to create a negative reflection on my former work experiences or the people or the work itself – I am still very attached to my former colleagues and leadership and have great admiration for their hearts and respect for the work they do – I just want to testify of how very different it is to try to solve the world’s problems with God’s methods as opposed to solving the world’s problems with humanity’s methods.

I’ve been very open with my governing board and my church leadership that the financial side of this early learning center ministry is where I am least comfortable. Years as a public servant gave me the comfort of layers and layers of financial oversight. I’ve worked with very large budgets, but I always had a safety net to prevent me from making mathematical mistakes that would cause overspending, and I’ve always had the assurance that the money was indeed there and would continue to show up, even with the swinging pendulum of politics. After all, both parties agree that kids need to learn to read and write, and I was the English coordinator; job security, baby.

But here at the early learning center, I was given a start up fund and from day one, my salary, which is sufficient but modest, was pulling on that fund. Then, I had to pay fees for inspections. Then, I needed to purchase our basic start up furniture, and commercial childcare and preschool furnishings are not cheap – even when you buy the middle of the line pieces. And, then I began to hire teachers and assistants. And now we’re beginning to pay their wages for trainings. And, friend, I must admit that all I could see was that start up fund going down, down, down, and – not being opened yet – no income coming in to replenish it.

And I desperately want to be a faithful steward of the resources God has provided and demonstrate to those who hired me that I am able to do this work well. I began to have flashbacks of government work where failure to properly fund a project meant the death of that project, where projects that took a long time to show results were removed from people’s hands and given to someone else, or tossed aside altogether. All I could think was that I was letting everyone down and that I had hired people I one day might not be able pay; I’m willing to go without pay – God was faithful in the year I focused primarily on writing and volunteerism and received little income – but I couldn’t imagine having to tell the incredible ladies that I have hired that we might not have paychecks in a month or two. To say I’ve felt anxious about spending is an understatement and the longer the planning and licensing process takes (four months feels like forever you all), the longer we go without incoming tuition, the more the weight of spending has weighed upon me.

And I know this is getting long, but I just I want you to understand where I’ve been so I can show you what God has done.

It wasn’t easy to admit, but I shared my concerns and our need with our head pastor a couple of weeks ago, and, friends, his faith is great and his leadership is a gift I cherish; he looked right at me, and said it would be ok, that God wouldn’t let a work He calls us to fail. And we left it at that. I was encouraged, but it wasn’t long before those budgetary concerns creeped back into my thinking.

Then, earlier this week, we held our quarterly advisory/business meeting, and oh my, oh my, how our God is faithful! Because it gives God glory, I am not ashamed to admit that I was nervous about the meeting, that I was hesitant to tell my fellow church members and friends that the longer the preparations and the licensing process take, the less sustainable we are at our current pre-enrollment. I thought it was a poor reflection on my stewardship, though I have tried very hard to be discerning and wise and prayed over decision. I had visions of those old days when projects were taken away or killed because they weren’t flourishing right out of the gates.

BUT GOD

God’s methods and the methods of His people are very, very different from the methods of the worldly workplace. I shared our need, probably too bluntly, my voice felt so loud in my ears, and the entire discussion around it took less than 2 minutes. I gave a number I thought would float us – IF – we saw an uptick in enrollment when the license was finalized. BUT – we didn’t settle on that number. In fact, the deacons and trustees and ministry leaders and church members who were present decided to supplement our funding to ensure our payroll for six months from the church’s general fund – without a number at all.

And, friend, I’m grinning ear-to-ear, with tear-filled eyes, as I write this two days later because I’ve never experienced that kind of love, that level of generosity, that depth of unity. I’ve never sat in a meeting to discuss finances and projects where at least one person wasn’t secretly, or openly, wanting someone else’s project to fail so theirs could be funded, or so that the project would be given to them. In all transparency, sometimes that person was me. Sometimes I was ok with someone else failing if it meant my work would receive more resources or that I would be chosen to take over a project that would help me climb the ladder a little more quickly.

BUT NOT SO WITH GOD or with God’s people.

When we solve the world’s problems, like finances and delays, in the world’s way, no one really succeeds. I mean, we said we had the same vision, but the long-standing structure was designed to create competition between colleagues. That structure was not good for my heart at my level of spiritual maturity. It’s not good for sustaining the overall well-being of our children and educators in public education either; competition in the legislature, competition in the leadership, trickles down to competition in counties and schools too, and there’s never enough time or resources devoted to anyone or anything.

I’ve learned this week that when we solve the world’s problems in God’s way, everyone succeeds because God will not let us fail in what He has called us to do. His mercies truly are new every morning. His steadfast love is never ending. And when His people are faithful, when they believe He will provide, when they act in accordance to that belief, God not only moves mountains, He melts hearts. He certainly melted mine that evening and has been softening it more and more each day since. He also builds our faith in His faithfulness. I have some furnishings I haven’t bought yet because I was afraid of not having enough money later. I’m still going to be a good steward and pray for wise decision-making and buy modest, long-lasting items, but I’m not going to be afraid as I do.

I have such peace, so much security has been added, so much strength renewed by the simple “ayes” of my brothers and sisters in Christ during that vote Tuesday evening. And my heart, oh my heart is bursting with admiration and respect and love for them, and especially for our Almighty God, the One who ensures we never fail.

And, friend, if you’re still with me at the end of this post. Rest assured, God will never let you fail when you’re endeavoring to walk with Him, to do things His way. He is more than able and always faithful. What He’s done for me, He will do for you!