But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:9 CSB

Later this week, I am headed to a statewide reading conference with the Walking in Truth devotional book and the two teacher discipleship resources, Teaching Practices that Testify (Peace, Hope), that God has given me the opportunity and inspiration to write. This will be my first public appearance as an author of any kind and my first appearance as a teacher of Bible-based professional topics.

By the time this posts, I will have one more day to back out without losing the cost of my room reservation. I know this because I’ve considered it several times – backing out that is.

Why?

Because there are times I feel like a total fraud, like I’m the last person on earth who should be writing or teaching about walking out our faith in Jesus. After all, my faith so often falters. I so often go my own way instead of His.

I fear. I doubt. I delay. I repent. I walk two steps in the right direction only to take one step back when I hit a different fear, doubt, or reason to delay.

Packing it all in, going back to a secular position in education, and trusting my own instincts and understanding is so tempting at times, but I know God called me to do something more than what I can do on my own. I don’t want to let Him down and that adds to my fear – a fear of letting God down – which adds to the doubt, “How could He use someone so cowardly, so faithless as me?”, and those questions take me straight into a delay.

Ugh, I’m so glad God doesn’t get tired of me the way I get tired of myself!

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you.“

Like a ton of bricks a message from the Lord hit me one day last week:

• Pack it in, I’ll still love you.
• Go back to secular work, I’ll still love you.
• Choose your own way over My way, I’ll still love you.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.

I was on my office floor, kneeling in prayer, and after those words hit my heart, I couldn’t breathe for several seconds but then I gasped and laughed as tears rolled down my cheeks and onto my hands, open before me, offering all I had, as little as it was, as fearful as I was, still doubting so many things, but one thing I did not doubt:

His grace is sufficient for me.

Maybe I’ll always be the last person on earth I think should write or teach about walking out our faith. Maybe I’ll always feel like a bit of a fraud and maybe that’s ok – because His power is made perfect in my weakness.

I could experience incredible success at the reading conference (whatever that looks like), and it’ll be His strength on display.

I could experience utter failure at the conference or even call it quits today, and He’ll use my weakness to display His power.

No matter what I choose, no matter what you choose, His grace is sufficient and His power will be made perfect in our weakness.

And, while I still want God’s best for me, somehow realizing that His grace is sufficient even when I choose less than His best pushes back so much fear and relieves so much of the stress that I place on myself to perform well.

I’m a long way from being an expert on grace, but at long last, I’m finally learning what it means to embrace it, and, friend, I think that’s going to make all the difference from here on in.