Show me your ways, Lord,
    teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
    for you are God my Savior,
    and my hope is in you all day long.

Psalm 25:4-5

Earlier this week, I sat down at the Father’s feet and had myself a good old fashioned ugly cry. You know the kind I’m talking about – tears flowing, hands clenched, thoughts racing, but words coming painstakingly slowly between gritted teeth amongst gasping sobs. The kind of cry that no tissue can contain and no waterproof mascara can stand against.

You see, I felt so strongly last summer that God was calling me out of a full-time career to pursue more time in ministry, emphasizing ministering more to my own family through fewer work hours, but in the months since then…

Well, things just haven’t gone the way I expected.

On top of that, our oldest son, commuting to college, wrecked his car and needs a replacement and our middle son is heading off to college this fall and wants to live on campus, which is far more expensive than driving, but also would need a car to drive which is still an expense.

That morning there were just too many expenses that we aren’t properly prepared for and my income is now less than it was and hit or miss to boot as I figure out this educational consulting thing and how to prioritize home time and ministry time while still helping support our family financially.

That morning I decided that I’m obviously failing at whatever He has called me out of the workplace to do because after almost a year I am still unclear on the details of what exactly I’m supposed to be doing. The stress and financial strain of home ownership, personal business (taxes, ugh!), raising a family, concerns about our daughter’s schooling, uncertainty in my calling, all of it just came crashing down and in the throes of that ugly cry, I asked God if I had heard Him wrongly altogether and if I should just hang it all up and go back to work full-time.

And sweet friends, I’d love to tell you that I rose from my time with the Lord with a clearer vision of His calling on my life and all the financial and family planning answers we could ever need, but I didn’t.

I still have uncertainty and questions and concerns about the future.

Dear heart, it’s not what I rose from that time with that I inspired me to share; it’s what I rose from that time WITHOUT that needs shared.

I rose from that time with uncertainty about the future, but I also rose without fear. I rose without fear because while God does not often give us the specifics of His plans in advance, I know from past experience and from His Word that His plans are always good, to prosper us and to give us hope for the future, and so I do not need to fear (Jeremiah 29:11).

I rose from that time with questions about His calling on my life, but I also rose without doubt about what I should be doing right now. Because of His Word, I can be confident of what to do in my current place:

• serve others as a faithful steward of the spiritual gifts He has bestowed upon me (1 Peter 4:10),
• love others as Christ loves me (Matthew 22: 37-39),
• spread the message of His love, grace, and salvation to others that they might come to know Him (Matthew 28:19),
• and do every work in His name and for His glory (Colossians 3:23).

I rose from that time with concerns about a mountain of financial and family issues, but I also rose without despair. As one of my favorite songs goes, “I come desperate to be rescued” and that morning I was reminded that our God is a mountain moving God (Mark 11:23) and that He is our refuge (Psalm 46:1) until, at His acceptable time, He provides our rescue (Psalm 69:13-14).

Beloved, what you leave God’s presence without is often more life-changing than what you leave His presence with. Please know that God is not put off by our tears or our fears.

In His loving kindness, He directs us to cast our cares upon Him (1 Peter 5:7).

In His everlasting faithfulness, He shows us His way, guides us in all truth, and teaches us to follow Him (Psalm 25:4-5).

Whatever you’re facing today, take it to the Lord. Trust me when I say, there’s no cry too ugly for Him to respond to, no amount of tears He cannot dry, no amount of fears He cannot soothe. Uncertainty, questions, and concerns may linger, but they’re not nearly so daunting when we remember God is our help and in Him our hope is always well-placed.

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