But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8

Beloved, I have a confession to make.

I am a recovering perfectionist.

In my natural state, I am performance-driven. My good is never good enough. I struggle with dissatisfaction. I give myself very little grace and a great deal of grief.

Oh, in my natural state…is blessedly somewhere that God refuses to leave me.

I claim the title “recovering perfectionist” because I’ve spiritually matured enough over the past year to understand that God’s love for me is not based on my performance, but I’m still too immature to walk daily in that knowledge without His constant reminders.

Recently, on this road to recovery, God has really been focusing His efforts on my concept of deservedness.

You see, I grew up on a “tit-for-tat” understanding of God’s love. Perhaps you’re familiar with it too. It works like this:

• If I did what a good church girl should do, I expected that God would bless me.

• If I did not do what a good church girl should do, I fully expected that God would blast me to kingdom-come.

This concept of deservedness translated into all of my relationships.

• If I played well, the coach should make me a starter on the team.
• If I studied hard, the teacher should give me an A.
• If I was nice to others, they should all want to be my friend.
• If I was pretty, if I was smart, if I was obedient…

Eventually those “ifs” gave way to “enoughs” – if I played well enough, studied hard enough, was pretty enough, smart enough…

But the thing is, “enough” wasn’t always enough to get what I thought I deserved. Someone who barely practiced was still faster on the court and started over me. Some students simply had more aptitude in math and made higher grades than I did. Some girls had more friends than me and didn’t seem nearly as nice.

Somewhere along the line I decided that I wasn’t enough. That there was always more work to be done. That I didn’t deserve anything until I was perfect “enough” to gain it.

Whew…can I just say that I set myself up for a lot of misery, anxiety, and heartache with that kind of thinking?

But you know what – I didn’t set myself up. I was set up.

And friend, so are you.

You know who wants us locked into perfection and deservedness?

The enemy of our souls.

You know why?

Because perfection is paralyzing. We can’t attain it and so we spin our wheels reaching for it and we never make forward progress. We stay – stuck – in the belief that we are not “enough”, that we must perform perfectly to be loved by God, to be of use to God (oh friend, there’s a whole other can of worms in that usefulness idea).

The enemy wants us to ignore Biblical truths like Romans 5:8:

While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

When did Christ die for us?

While we were yet sinners…

Dear heart, if that doesn’t shoot the concept of deservedness right out the window, I don’t know what does.

Christ didn’t die for those who were perfect – or those who had the capacity to become perfect.

Christ didn’t die for those who performed “well enough” or worked “hard enough”.

While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

We didn’t do a thing to deserve salvation. In fact, we’ve done all manner of things to deserve the cross ourselves. God’s Word is clear that the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23) and that we are all sinners (Romans 3:23).

And yet, our great and gracious God sent His Only Son to pay the price of our sin. We didn’t ask Him to do it. Half the time we barely remember to thank Him for doing it. Deservedness simply isn’t in God’s love language.

And praise His holy name that it is not!

At 41, this recovering perfectionist still catches herself pushing back against God’s grace and striving to deserve His love. But the simple fact of the matter is that God loves me, and God loves you, warts and all (as my pastor would say).

Beloved, let’s take a moment today – a lot of moments – and just thank God for His complete disregard for the concept of our deservedness. Let’s take some time to lift Him up in praise for the fact that “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”